You have accidentally brushed your teeth with Desitin.
You have caught spit-up in your hand.
You leave for a date with a diaper bag instead of your purse.
You let your baby sit in his dirty diaper until Oprah (in my case Desperate Housewives:) is over.
You have shared a fifteen-minute conversation about your baby with a complete stranger at the grocery store.
You filled up your child's baby book before her first tooth appeared.
You silently curse people if they call during naptime.
You are just as surprised when you sleep through the night as when your child does.
You consider it a major triumph if you shower by noon.
You justify every excessive crying spell with teething.
You pick up the phone and call your mother when your baby rolls over for the first time.
You have your pediatrician's telephone number on speed-dial.
You own the entire Baby Einstein DVD collection.
You have considered trading your whole life savings for just one good night of sleep.
You see your parents in a whole new light.
You consider parenting to be the best job in the world.
You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
You hire a sitter because you haven't been out in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your kid throws up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
Your purse is crammed with emergency toys, candy and first aid supplies.
You can talk on the phone, pack a lunch & breast feed all once.
You wonder why it was you ever feared being alone.
You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.